Last night I dreamt that Ryan Reynolds and I were married and expecting a child. Sorry Blake Lively. Oh and sorry husband.
The scenario was post-apocalyptic. We were inside a mall that had a lot of people running around, apparently afraid of something. I tried looking for zombies because zombies and post-apocalyptic are like bacon and eggs but there was none. So I guess the people in my dreams were just a special kind of stupid. So in the middle of this undefined chaos, Ryan and I was a married couple. To be honest, I was a little bit disconcerted and certainly very awestruck. All my insecurities leaked into my unconscious and I kept thinking, “Why did this handsome and sexy piece of eye candy marry me?” I was basically drooling in my sleep over this great fortune (again sorry husband!).
He seemed genuinely caring and loving towards me but my hopes were not pretty high. I firmly believe in the stereotype that yummy men strays and reality has not been very contrary to my bias so far. It must be pretty hard to say no the temptation of having a ton of women falling right into your lap effortlessly. So my logical self did not place much hopes in the Mr. Ryan Reynolds from my dream either.
So around 5 minutes into our married life, He told me that he needed to go to another part of the mall for just a few minutes. I felt a stab of suspicion. I knew that he was going to cheat on me. But not wanting to be too clingy, because I presupposed that yummy men don’t want clingy wives, I said okay quite cheerily. I eventually followed him after a decent amount of dream time. When I reached Ryan Reynolds, he was quite shockingly alone. There was no other girl. There was no other someone. I might in fact be wrong about yummy men and he might in fact be a very loyal dream husband to yours truly.
But as all dreams go, my dream plot took a bizarre twist. Out of nowhere, two hotel bedchamber maids appeared and started cleaning that area of the mall. Then they approached and told me that they heard the voice of a crying woman inside one of the purple luggage. They suspected that there was a woman inside. Although it was quite crazy to suspect that a woman would be inside a luggage especially since it was the size of a hand carry, I immediately opened it. Voila! Inside indeed was a crying and very naked woman. Ryan Reynolds was quite shocked! Apparently he was having some good times with this naked woman and then asked her to hide inside one of the luggage when he heard the good wife coming. He would have gotten away with the cheating if not for the two nosy hotel bedchamber maids who decided to meddle.
Although it was just a dream, I was truly furious and heartbroken. I was pregnant and married to a guy who just blatantly cheated on me. Although he was Ryan Reynolds, that reality alone was not enough to compensate for the gut wrenching mess. I was faced with the certainty of being married and having a child with a guy who may or may not be serial cheater. Can I live with the possibility of having a lifelong series of heartbreaks?
So I ran away. But before I did, I asked him, “Why did you even marry me if you want to sleep around with other women anyways?” He just stood there speechless. That wench of a guy did not even follow and apologize to me. I took refuge in one of the rooms that, of course, just illogically appeared somewhere. I laid down on top of the unkempt bed and plopped in the middle of what seemed to be a mountain of blankets. I wanted to cry my heart out and come up with a decision. Should I leave Ryan Reynolds even though I was pregnant and married to him? Or should I just stay since I was already pregnant and married to him? What bothered me was the possibility that this might not be a one-time thing that I had to endure. Of course, the reality of not being truly loved also hurt a lot.
But before I could continue with my melodrama, the walls of the room started whispering and the mountain of blankets began softly quivering. As luck would have it, I not only have a cheating husband, I also took refuge in a room that turned out to be haunted! I tried vainly to ignore the whispers that seemed to grow louder by the second and the blankets that moved more wildly around me. I was heartbroken and in the middle of a real life crisis, as real as any life crisis can be in a dream, and no ghost was about to scare me. But I guess ghosts were scarier than a broken heart so I sped right out of the room.
Out in the open, I found myself in the middle of a busy highway. I was already feeling lonely and greatly spooked from my haunted room encounter. Spurred by the loneliness and fright, I decided to forgive Ryan Reynolds and go back to him. But as all dreams go, when you begin to look for someone, chances are, you won’t find them. This is quite similar to running furiously away from monsters in your dream and not being able to go anywhere. Fortunately, I was able to run into some old high school classmates who taught me how to find people using the people gps tracking device which I didn’t know I was carrying! I zoomed in to Ryan Reynolds and proceeded to walk towards him.
The people gps tracking device led me to a baby store where I saw one black guy who was busy looking for baby stuff. He was the same guy who was labelled as Ryan Reynolds on my device. He turned around and I saw Kanye West. My Ryan Reynolds dream husband morphed into Kanye West.
The morning alarm clock rang and I woke up from my bizarre dream.
I was still pregnant but I was glad to wake up and be married to a guy who may not be Ryan Reynolds but who will not break my heart. For more than 12 years, my boyfriend turned husband has always been faithful and honoured his marriage vows to the tee. I was glad that all the rollercoaster of hurt, betrayal and fear of not being loved were just a dream.
But I know of women whose lives are the exact replica of my Ryan Reynolds nightmare, except without the hunkiness of Ryan Reynolds. These women are married to men who don’t even have 1/16th of Ryan Reynold’s looks but yet feel that they are God’s gifts to womankind and that although married; they feel that they have the divine obligation to sow their wild oats. Every day these women wrestle with the decision of staying or leaving, of loving or hating, of enduring or giving up. Although my life experience of betrayal was only limited to a dream scenario, I can honestly say that choices are not as black and white when you already married and much more when you have kids.
One woman I know is already in her late 40’s. She is married to a guy who according to my husband has been unfaithful from the day they were married or maybe even from the beginning of the relationship. The guy, who in my opinion is complete douche, considers his conquests as badges of honours. He will often regale his friends and friends of his wife with stories of unfaithfulness, completely disregarding his wife’s reputation and feelings. Everyone from his circle and his wife’s circle know that he is a douchebag because the evidence comes straight from his mouth. He had mistresses, tryst with household help and his most favourite indulgence is regular paid companionship. When I look at his wife, I only see the look of defeat and sometimes brokenness. I often wonder why she stayed so long and yet I completely understand why she did.
Sometimes, love, packaged with marriage, is really just a complicated thing.
P.S. I do not, in any way, find Ryan Reynolds attractive during my conscious waking hours. I prefer dorky hot men like joseph Gordon Levitt, Justin Long, Jake Gyllenhaal and my super duper mega crush to the moon and back, James McAvoy.